Suicide Limericks

suicide limericks

There once was a sad, sad daughter,
Was determined to see her own slaughter,
She got into the tub,
But it wasn’t to scrub,
She tried to make toast underwater.


There once was a catholic on lent,
On life too much time he had spent,
Alive was a vice,
It was simply too nice,
His death was his final repent.


There once was a man, was convinced,
His guts he could turn into mince,
Out his insides he thrust,
Baked ’em in a sweet crust,
But he’s lost his appetite since.


There once was a girl nick-named Midge,
Whose nose was a great bulbous ridge,
It wasn’t preposterous,
They called her “rhinoceros”,
So she ended her life off a bridge.


There once was a girl with depression,
Her black thoughts they knew no repression,
She killed herself gladly,
Was ever so sadly,
And her family, they wept in succession.


There once was a girl– a fat slab,
Couldn’t handle the taunts and the jabs,
She died anorexic,
Though you wouldn’t suspect it,
Skin and bone under all of her flab.


There once was a girl who went swimming,
Her dress, it had thick chains as trimming,
In her ingot-laced gown,
She was dying to drown,
And with water her lungs are now brimming.


There once was a girl– never kissed,
She wanted to slash her own wrists,
She severed her tendons,
They just couldn’t mend ’em,
And now she can’t make any fists.


There once was a girl who OD’d,
From her failures she wished to be freed,
It was kind of ironic,
And a little sardonic,
That at dying, she knew how to succeed.


©Lauren Greenwood 2013

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