150. No More Mondays

After a white-collar worker learns that he is literally dying of boredom at his desk job, the doctor prescribes a dose of excitement, causing the worker to set out on an adventure of epic proportions to prevent his own untimely death.

30 is the new 30

Tomorrow, I turn 30. If you really put it into perspective, it is absolutely ridiculous or maybe even offensive that someone might have confused feelings about this. Many people never make it this far and would probably have given anything they could to experience the tingling promise of a new decade.

And, boy, was the last decade a blast. Maybe that is why my heart is heavy today. The same way I feel when I think about the pastoral childhood I was privileged enough to have and sense the pang of loss at never having another sweet day as an eight year old swinging from a tree in the sunshine. I guess now an hour before I am 30, I am beginning to understand why people have kids. So they can watch them swing and soak up the joy their children radiate. As a way of remembering in the present.

I know where I was exactly ten years ago, which feels peculiar. I usually have trouble remembering the details of the past, so it is strange to reflect with this level of certainty and clarity. It seems like that was a lifetime—a person—ago. Like a movie I saw once and have since forgotten the title. And when I examine the last ten years from a distance like this, I see now that I was an entirely different person. I read once that all the cells in the human body completely regenerate every seven years, so who knows, maybe I was a completely different person back then. I think I have improved at least a little, despite my own stubborn efforts to remain the same. Change is sometimes slow, sometimes fast, and sometimes not at all. I hope I changed.

19 years and 364 days, I had just moved to Berlin. I had just started an exchange in a faraway land. I was always a Mommy and Daddy’s girl (still am a decade later), but somehow my parents managed to make me feel close to them no matter how far away I went. I live far away now, too, but I still feel like my parents could be down the street since that is how intensely I can sense their love. Berlin was huge, exciting, terrifying and thrilling, all at the same time. And I remember sitting in a bar and thinking “My god, this is my last night as a teenager. I need to say goodbye”, much as I am doing so tonight.

21, I returned to Canada to finish my BA in English and German studies. 22, back to Berlin to teach English. 23, Toronto again working as a German Medical Market Researcher where I met my dear friend, Claudia (who will play a huge roll again at 26). 24, started my Masters in Screenwriting at York University and began my mid-twenties crisis. As a result (or possibly as a prerequisite) I started working at my beloved Sneaky Dee’s. 25 is pretty much a write-off, although I can thank my best friends for such a high level of fun and hilarity that it really is just a blissful blur in retrospect. 26, things started slowing down around me, inside me, and I finally opened my mind to the possibility of real love. Love like I had never permitted myself to have before. And that is precisely when I met my husband while visiting Claudia on vacation in Munich. 27, I dropped everything and moved across the ocean to be with my now-husband. A few months later, he waited patiently at the top of a mountain until the clouds parted to ask me to be his wife. 28, I cultivated my relationships and a calmness crept into my soul as I allowed myself to reflect on the internal for the first time in my life. 29. In June, I married the love of my life in a sun shower surrounded by our incredible families and friends. Even my Oma made it to the wedding after we were all convinced she wasn’t going to see Christmas (she is a constant source of strength and inspiration, no matter my age). It is true when they say it is really the best day of your life. A cliché is just that for a reason. And now I am here, snuggling under an orange blanket that we “borrowed” from my mother-in-law, wondering if I should be sad or happy or maybe equal shares of both.

Some of the best friends I have I can thank the last decade for (although, to my good fortune, many of them predate even the day I mourned and celebrated the passing of my teenage years). I have laughed so hard I got killer abs (securely hidden under a layer of life-loving, decadent chub). I have cried so hard I have actually hyperventilated on numerous occasions and my tear ducts got irritated and took a two hour lunch to spite my sobs. I learned love like I had never known. I have had friendships reach seemingly bottomless depths of respect and love. I have had to sacrifice very little and have gained probably more than I think I deserve. I have worked hard, quit too soon, struggled, given up, cared too little and too much, ached, rejoiced, fought and laid down my arms. After these ten years, I am both deeply disappointed in and profoundly proud of myself.

Tomorrow is just another today. Objectively, I will only be one day older, but suddenly, I will be a full blown adult, the kind I feared the night before my 20th birthday ten years ago. And so, with sorrow and optimism, I must embrace tomorrow as another new day. I hope it turns out as well as the last 3650 and I hope everyone I love is by my side to share them with me.

Here is to the big three oh.

146. 30 is the New 20

When a 29-year-old career woman finds a journal entry from her last wild night as a teenager, she sets out to recreate it on the eve of her big 3-0, only to discover that the scene, her friends, her liver function and even she herself have changed a lot in a decade.

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145. Please Hold

When a quiet telemarketer is insulted for the last time by a rude customer, he makes it his vigilante mission to track down the rude people of the world and make them pay for the damage they cause.

143. Return

When a 20-year-old kidnapping victim is returned to her family after 10 years in captivity, she must struggle to reclaim her privacy, identity and her place within her community while living under the microscopic examination of the media and those around her.

141. Feel good films

When a porn star’s best friend is diagnosed with cervical cancer, she sets out to create and debut the world’s first charity porn at the Adult Entertainment Expo and enlists the help of a few good dicks, pussies and asses to raise ten million dollars for cancer research.

140. Reunified

When a 26-year-old man from Dresden discovers that his real father abandoned his pregnant mother just months before the Wall feel in order make a life in West Germany, he embarks on a journey across the country to locate the man who left them behind the iron curtain and never came back.

139. The Cock Blockers

When his ladies’ man best friend hooks up with his ex, a frustrated dude enlists the help of the Cock Blockers—an elite organization of charming and attractive men who have the capability to ruin any single man’s evening—to not only exact his revenge but also teach him the ancient art of blocking cock.

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137. Love from your secret admirer

When a socially awkward postman falls for the new pathological pen pal on his mail route, he begins to deliver his own love letters along with her pile of amorous mail in the hopes she will respond, but as she begins to fall for him in real life, he must keep his secret admirer identity from her or risk losing the one relationship he can no longer put into words alone.

136. Septemberfest

As three best friends on exchange in Barcelona, Paris and Berlin converge on Munich for Oktoberfest, one of them excitedly reveals that her new boyfriend has asked her to marry him and the other two must do anything they can at the biggest party in the world to prevent her from making the biggest mistake of her life.

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131. So you might be dying

When a medical writer who creates pamphlets for terminally ill patients learns that she is dying of brain cancer herself, she decides to shake the industry by getting real feedback from dying patients and writing the first piece of honest literature for people on the brink of death.

130. DBS

After a young man with a deep brain stimulation device to control his seizures gets in a serious car accident, he discovers he suddenly has superhuman abilities and must use his new powers to stop an evil doctor from implanting similar devices into unsuspecting victims to create a superhuman army to do his bidding.

129. Count your chickens

When a business woman who has everything–successful career, soon-to-be-husband, new condo–all planned down to the letter loses everything overnight, her new therapist challenges her to live for 3 months without making a single plan–not even what’s for dinner–and she must learn to live, succeed and experience new love without a framework.

128. Dark Horse

When by luck, a young extra becomes the star of an upcoming sleeper hit and is thrust into stardom overnight, the media begins to stir up his sinister past and he must attempt to struggle back into oblivion–a seemingly impossible task–before the world discovers the truth about him.

125. Baker’s Dozen

After the 13th cookie awakens fresh out of the oven and is immediately expelled by his 12 not-so-sweet siblings for being different, he encounters a secret group of outcast pastries who set out together to achieve a baked good’s ultimate dream–to be consumed and enjoyed by an appreciative human.

124. Comeuppance

After his best friend of 20 years screws his ex-girlfriend, a young musician swears their friendship is over for good… that is until he devises a plan to simultaneously get back at his friend and restore their friendship once more: He will sleep with his best friend’s ex-girlfriend who is eager to get back at him for breaking her heart and finally give him a taste of his own medicine.

123. Square One

In a distant future world in which failing is the ultimate disgrace, a recently fired CEO is sent with others failures to Square One, a high security bootcamp, where they are forced to undergo brutal training to prevent future failing, during which time Joe hatches a plan with his loser cellmates to successfully expose the failures of the lawmakers, thereby destroying the perception of failing and bringing the system down from within.